Questions and Answers
by Heiri-XQR
Summary: Everyone is asked a question and they all give an answer, read on...


Disclaimer: I own nothing, what did you think I was the Koei president!

A/N: It's basic Q&A's. it's supposed to be funny, so sorry if it's not.

Questions and Answers

Shu

Zhao Yun

Q: Why are you only an elite guard?

A: Because…I'm…I'm illiterate (sobs).

Guan Yu

Q: Why do you have such a long beard?

A: I'm a Sikh so I don't cut my hair! Don't make fun of me!

Zhang Fei

Q: Why are you always so drunk?

A: Because I'm a alcoholic dumbo! I'm always stressed! It's my life support!

Zhuge Liang

Q: Aren't you a bit too intelligent for a guy in the 2nd century?

A: I come from the future, I invented flying cars! Sima Yi's from the future too! Hey! Did anyone hear that?

Liu Bei

Q: Why are you so virtuous?

A: Because I have to cover up for all the bad things I do. They think I'm so virtuous that I wouldn't do anything bad so I get away with it! (Laughs evilly)

Wei Yan

Q: Why do you always wear that mask?

A: I…ugly… Skin…ripped…off.

Jiang Wei

Q: Are you sure you're Chinese? You don't sound it…

A: No, I am, I'm one of them people who talk REALLLY fast!

Pang Tong

Q: Why do you cover most of your body?

A: I'm a Muslim woman, it's my religion.

Ma Chao

Q: What's with all the justice?

A: It's an addiction; it's also my middle name (sobs).

Huang Zhong

Q: Why do you discriminate against young people? You were once young.

A: I was never young; I was born with white hair and a beard! I'm just jealous of them!

Yue Ying

Q: How come you're so intelligent?

A: My dad thought that I would be a boy so he got loads of books and stuff so I had to learn.

Guan Ping

Q: How do you play 'Go' and who do you play with?

A: I play Go with Xing Cai, Liu Chan, Guan Yu, Zhang Fei and Liu Bei. We don't all play at the same time. There are two different versions I play.

Version 1: I play with Xing Cai and Liu Chan. It involves sexual activity. One time we played it and Xing Cai had a baby!

Version 2: I play with Guan Yu, Zhang Fei and Liu Bei. We have a peeing contest, who can go the highest, furthest and who can pee the most.

Xing Cai

Q: Why is your voice so squeaky?

A: I take helium; I hide it under my skirt which is why my butt's so big.

Wei

Xiahou Dun

Q: What did your eye taste like?

A: A bit like a marshmallow but a bit harder to bite.

Xu Zhu

Q: Why are you so fat?

A: Because I eat a lot. I have a disability you know.

Dian Wei

Q: How did you become bald?

A: I shaved it off and it wouldn't grow back! (sobs)

Sima Yi

Q: Who taught you to laugh like that?

A: Every evil guy in my family can do it, the sissy's can't. Muhahahaha!

Cao Cao

Q: What with the name?

A: I heard that my ancestors were cows… The shame!

Zhang Liao

Q: What's with the moustache?

A: I'm French. In France this is stylish apparently.

Xu Huang

Q: Do you believe in reincarnation?

A: Yes, I believe I will one day become Kenshin Uesugi.

Xiahou Yuan

Q: Who taught you archery?

A: Huang Zhong, don't tell anyone!

Zhang He

Q: Are you really gay?

A: Why of course. I like Sima Yi. We kissed once.

Zhen Ji

Q: Why did you marry Cao pi?

A: Because he is rich. I hate being seen with him, it's so embarrassing!

Cao Ren

Q: How come you never take your helmet off?

A: I have helmet hair.

Cao Pi

Q: Who named you?

A: My father. I guess he was jealous because he had a rubbish name so I had to have one too.

Pang De

Q: Why are you so slow?

A: This armour is so heavy. If I took it off I would be faster than Lu Xun!

Wu

Zhou Yu

Q: What made you decide to grow your hair?

A: I was once a woman so I wanted to keep my long hair.

Lu Xun

Q: Why do you have such an obsession with fire?

A: I've been obsessed since I was young, I don't know…

Taishi Ci

Q: Do you go fishing with your rods?

A: No, but other people ask to borrow them!

Sun Shang Xiang

Q: If you're such a tomboy why don't you get a gender change?

A: I never thought about that…maybe.

Sun Jian

Q: Why are you the _Tiger_ of Jiang Dong?

A: Because tigers are fierce, like me!

Sun Quan

Q: Why did you have so many wives and kids?

A: Because I want to be in the Guinness Book of World Records!

Gan Ning

Q: How fast are you?

A: I'm so fast that my legs miss my trousers when I try to put them on!

Lu Meng

Q: Do you love Lu Xun?

A: Truthfully…yes (sobs).

Huang Gai

Q: Aren't bombs a bit modern for you?

A: Well, Zhuge Liang brought some from the future and gave them to me.

Sun Ce

Q: What's with the surfer dude stuff?

A: Hey! It's not my fault! Koei made me this way – sue them!

Da Qiao

Q: Why aren't you more like your sister?

A: Because I am the eldest I must be more mature to keep things under control.

Xiao Qiao

Q: Have you ever had a fight with Da Qiao?

A: Yes. When she cut her hair we had a big fight. Our hair should be the same style!

Zhou Tai

Q: Why don't you talk much?

A: Can't be bothered.

Ling Tong

Q: Where did you get your weapon?

A: From the orange turtle on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Diao Chan

Q: Did you really sleep with Dong Zhuo?

A: Yes. And I enjoyed it!

Lu Bu

Q: Why are you so good ay fighting?

A: Because Ding Yuan had me fighting from an early age. GOSH! Was that so hard to figure out?

Dong Zhuo

Q: Are you addicted to women?

A: NO! …Well alright...I am, but don't say anything!

Yuan Shao

Q: Why do you act so posh? I heard that you go out with a peasant.

A: What? How did you know? That's a secret! I act posh because I'm noble.

Zhang Jiao

Q: Is it true you Yellow Turbans were originally a band?

A: Yes, we were. I was the leader, but everyone hated my singing! (sobs)

Meng Huo

Q: Does your wife boss you around?

A: Well…yeah I suppose, I don't like to talk about it…

Zhu Rong

Q: Are you really the goddess of fire?

A: Yeah of course. Why would I lie. My ancestor was called Zhu Fire!

Zuo Ci

Q: Do you think that you wasted 30 years of your life in the Emei Mountains?

A: Yes, I do. I regret it! I died a virgin because I wasted those years!

A/N: Well that's it. Did you like it? Please review! Going to write more fanfiction soon…


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